Episode 01
How to Talk to Me: When There Are No Right Words
We know this is a tough one. If you’ve ever found yourself standing in front of a grieving friend, trying to find the right words, only to say something that didn’t land quite how you intended, you’re not alone. Grief is messy, uncomfortable, and deeply personal, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, words can unintentionally cause more harm than comfort.
This is something we’ve been talking about a lot within our little grief community, and in today’s episode, we’re diving into it headfirst. We’re breaking down some of the most common things people say to those who are grieving (“At least you had time with her” … “You’re so strong, I could never”) and why, even with the best intentions, these phrases can feel dismissive, isolating, or just plain exhausting.
We also want to be super clear: This isn’t about calling people out or shaming anyone. The reality is, most people mean well, they just don’t know how to show up. And that’s why we’re here. We’re sharing not only the phrases that can hurt, but also the simple, meaningful ways you can support someone who’s grieving, without the awkwardness, pressure, or fear of saying the wrong thing.
What You’ll Hear in This Episode:
🤍 Why “at least…” statements don’t help (Hint: If your sentence starts with "at least," just stop right there.)
🤍 The problem with calling grieving parents “so strong”—and what we actually wish you’d say instead.
🤍 How vague questions like “How is she doing?” can feel overwhelming (and what to ask instead to actually support us).
🤍 Why comments about appearance aren’t helpful (“Wow, you look tired!” Yeah. We know.)
🤍 How to ask better, more specific questions to show real care and support.
🤍 The easiest way to respond when you don’t know what to say, because spoiler alert: sometimes just acknowledging the hard stuff is enough.
Why This Conversation Matters
We aren’t trying to police language or make people feel bad for things they’ve said in the past. But grief is already so isolating, and when someone says something that unintentionally stings, it can make that loneliness feel even deeper.
We also know that a lot of people want to be helpful, they just don’t always know how. And sometimes, that fear of saying the wrong thing keeps people from saying anything at all. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s break down what actually helps, what doesn’t, and how we can all do better at supporting the people we love when they’re navigating something impossibly hard.
Because here’s the truth: When we show up in the right ways, with the right words, we remind grieving people that they aren’t alone. And that, in itself, is one of the most powerful things we can offer.
Join the Conversation
This is such an important topic, and we know so many of you have had experiences, both as the person grieving and as the person trying to support someone you love. We’d love to hear from you!
💬 Have you ever received a well-intentioned but hurtful comment while grieving? What would have been more helpful?
💬 Do you struggle with what to say to a grieving friend? What feels hardest about it?
Come chat with us in our private Her Grief, Her Strength Facebook Community – this is where we hold space for the hard stuff, share resources, and lift each other up in ways only people who “get it” truly can. We’d love to have you. Join us here!
You can also find us on:
📍 Instagram: @hergrief_herstrength
📍 TikTok: @hghs_
📍 Pinterest: HER GRIEF, HER STRENGTH | ADVOCACY. COMMUNITY. HOPE.
Thank you for being here. Whether you’re grieving, supporting someone who is, or just want to be part of a community that values honest conversations about the hard stuff, we’re so grateful for you.
Here’s to Grieving Loudly. Living Boldly!
🤍 Shelby & Rachel
